Avoid ‘why’ questions, which send you on a spiral and can leave you depressed (learn more in our article on “ the Power of the Right Questions to Move Your Life Forward”.)
#Trauma bond how to#
The secret is to learn how to ask good questions. Questions can shift our perspective, reveal our true feelings and give us clarity. When we remove ourselves like this, our unconscious allows forgotten things to surface. “One day, he was walking into a bar, and he met her….”. You might even want to write your entire relationship out like a story that happened to someone else. And sure, write down the good things, too.
#Trauma bond code#
Leave the list at work, or in an email draft of an account he or she does not and will never have the pass code to.Įach day write down key points of what happened between you. But of course this must be something your abuser can never find. Making a record of everything that happens is a great start to ‘getting real’. We block out, quickly forget, and/or rewrite the reality of the abuse and focus on the things he or she promised – that future marriage that never comes, that day he or she quits drinking. Start reality training.Ī defence mechanism we use to stay trapped by a trauma bond is denial. If the person who abused you was a parent or family member, you might even have a deep-rooted unconscious core belief that abuse is love. Unless you did therapy to process your beliefs and experiences, your brain will still believe this is the best survival tactic – to put up with abuse. The truth is that most of us who end up in this sort of relationship suffered abuse as a child, whether that was sexual abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and/or physical abuse. As a child, making the best of the abusive situation was the only option. What if it’s not your fault that you can’t leave? What if, actually, your brain is programmed to be loyal to an abuser and see the best in an abusive situation? Is there a secret voice in your head that says you are to stupid or weak to leave, that you deserve this, that it’s the best you’ll get? (Not sure you are or aren’t in a relationship with trauma bonds? Read our connected article, “ What is Trauma Bonding?“). So how can you break free of a trauma bond when it feels easier to stay? We hold onto a promised better future, focus on the positives and ignore the rest, and feel a sense of loyalty to the person everyone else says we must leave. Traumatic bonding happens when we are in an abusive relationship but feel unable to leave.
0 kommentar(er)
